Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
