I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
