and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
