Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
