Can i not drive my cunt home
You smell like a Billy Joel song
honey bunches of taint.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
