just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
