I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
A bitchslap is in order.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
