what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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