they said they heard you say put it in my butt
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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