How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
if only i could text you this smell
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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