HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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