I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
