Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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