You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
