So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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