I am full of burrito and curiosity
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
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