I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
