Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
