The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Two words: blizzard sex
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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