I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
