Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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