do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
