I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
