I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
my shit smells like andre
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
