Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
It's blow job season.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
