Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Randomize
