I bet he comes in French.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize