I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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