I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
