It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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