No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
