My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize