Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
