Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize