No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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