i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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