I wish I could teleport
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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