When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
