I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize