just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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