I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
