You don't have asthma, your pregnant
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
