who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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