I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
