I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
You can't special order awesome
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize