I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
