it wasn't lemon gatorade
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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