Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
