Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Randomize
