Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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