dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Is Oprah even human
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
