I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize