You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
