JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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