I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
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