i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
