I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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