I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Randomize
