its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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