If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
