I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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