I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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