Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i can't believe i had my finger in that
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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