She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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