So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Randomize
