isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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