you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
